The greatest invention the world has ever seen is online dating. Consider it: it’s akin to sex shopping on the internet. You look through profiles until you find someone you like and strike up a chat with them. With any luck, they’ll like you back, and you’ll be able to start a new life filled with love, romance, and passionate lovemaking.
In theory, at least.
In actuality, it’s like that wonderful fair game where you have to shoot a row of ducks, but no one ever manages to hit the target. It’s irritating, whether it’s fixed or not, and unless you’re a master Marine Corps sniper, you’ll likely go home empty-handed. It’s a pain in the neck to date online. I know firsthand how difficult and irritating it can be as a “veteran” of over 60 online dates and nearly 10 years of navigating the many, many websites out there. I’ve made numerous mistakes, posted obnoxious images, sent even more obnoxious messages, and had “sure things” vanish into thin air.
But it’s because of this experience that I’ve figured out what the hell I’m doing, and I’d want to share some of my tips and techniques with you. The following advice is applicable to both men and women, and it is hoped that it will help you avoid some of the mistakes I made.
1. It’s all about your main profile picture
Many articles and companies on the internet will try to persuade you that the first message you send is the most crucial skill you will ever learn. To some extent, this is correct. Sure, what you say in your opening message and in your profile will influence your online dating success, but the single most important aspect is how people react to your profile image.
It is the first thing they will ever see!
Most gorgeous women don’t even open all of their messages since they don’t want to waste time sorting through them. You must presume that she will just look at the thumbnails to decide whether or not to open the message, so if your primary image isn’t the single best photo you own, you are doing yourself a disservice. You don’t want any silly topless pics, stuffy formal photos, or Myspace-style self-portraits—you want a photo that shows you’re a calm, happy person with a busy social life.
2. The key to writing an interesting profile
It practically doesn’t matter what you put in your profile as long as you show sincerity and vulnerability. Writing your main bio in a free conversational style without trying to “big” oneself up is the greatest way to display genuineness. Because this isn’t a CV and you’re not auditioning for anyone, don’t write it as if you’re trying to impress. It will come across as desperate, and even if you have the most attractive profile photo, your chances of meeting someone are slim to none if you seem like a jerk.
Vulnerability is defined as the ability to open up without fear of rejection. Are you a chess-playing nerd? Do you have a strong interest in computer programming? Do you have a stamp licking fetish? Don’t be scared to share who you are and what you enjoy doing with others. A truly gorgeous person is at ease in their own skin and has the confidence to express themselves without worrying about what others think. Request that your best friend or someone you trust edit your profile to ensure that what you’ve written is a true and accurate reflection of your personality and that you’re not coming off as a lunatic.
3. That all-important first message
To begin, don’t just send out messages without tailoring them to your goals and the person you’re writing to. You don’t want to provide a physical complement to a gorgeous woman because it won’t make much of an impact on her. You also don’t want to tease someone who appears to be unsure of themselves. When messaging males, avoid being excessively flirty because this will set off their BS detector. Give a man a non-sexual praise instead, and express interest in something from his profile. Guys, have a look at the last sentence as well—it applies in both directions.
4. How to get away from the internet and on that first date
There are two major ways to get off whatever dating site you’re on: the first is a lengthy process, but it’s definitely the safest option, while the second is highly “high risk-high return,” but if done correctly, it’s the quickest technique.
Option number 1
The slower approach focuses on establishing trust and rapport. Moving away from the dating site and toward a more intimate means of communication is the best way to do this. This was MSN Messenger back in the day, but nowadays you can use Facebook chat or WhatsApp. The benefit of Facebook is that you can learn more about who they are, view more images, and learn about their social circles. It’s a little stalkerish, but keep in mind that they’ll see everything on your profile as well, so it’s a fair trade.
Option number 2
If you prefer, you can skip ahead to the meet up. To accomplish this effectively, you must utilize your common sense (which I’m sure you have) and make the appropriate suggestion at the appropriate moment. After around 20-30 emails back and forth, I would do this, in my experience. This may appear to be a large task, but if you send many emails per day, it should only take a week to complete.